The Way Things Were
Latest demo featuring PreMaturePoet, Shinkinrui, Pleading Eyes and Arri
| Track Number: | 13 |
| Length: | 4:21 |
| Appears In: | Act II |
| Credits | |
| Lyrics: | Pleading Eyes, Arri |
| Melody: | Arri |
| Instrumental: | Arri |
The Way Things Were is an exposition-heavy song in which Wendy Oldbag and Detective Gumshoe compete over who can best explain the events of the previous day and how it all relates to the current case. It also serves as an introductory song for Oldbag, establishing her character as the cranky, bitter old lady with a tendency to go off on rants.
WHAT TO LISTEN FOR:
Reprised by: The Way Things Were (Reprise)
CAST:
Wendy Oldbag, Dick Gumshoe,
Phoenix Wright, Maya Fey
| PHOENIX: | [spoken] Look, can someone here please just tell me what went on? | ||
| GUMSHOE: | Well, I bet I could – better than this lady, anyhow. | ||
| OLDBAG: | Hah! This mangy detective won’t tell it half as well! [sung] They say the world moves by so fast But Wendy Oldbag’s faster! You juveniles don’t stand a chance You’re headed for disaster! So listen good, you whippersnappers ‘Cause Wendy Oldbag doesn’t err Put down your walkmen and walkwomen And I’ll tell you the way things were | ||
| MAYA: | [spoken] Walk-whats? | ||
| PHOENIX: | [shrugging] Iunno. | ||
| OLDBAG: | [sung] Though the world keeps on changing Of this you can be sure: Things used to be much better And better is the way things were! | ||
| PHOENIX: | [spoken] Right... so, about yesterday...? | ||
| OLDBAG: | I was getting to it! You kids today are just so impatient! [sung] Yesterday, bright and early In the employee break room We were holding an action run-through When Powers fell down with a boom! No wait, come to think I guess it was more of a “crack” When Hammer knocked him down Well, the Samurai Spear went snap! | ||
| MAYA: | [spoken] Not the Samurai Spear! | ||
| OLDBAG: | [sung] Though the world keeps on changing Of this you can be sure: Props used to be made better And better is the way things were! | ||
| PHOENIX: | [spoken] So Powers fell down... and the spear broke? | ||
| OLDBAG: | [sung] Of course, good Wendy Oldbag Was quick to make repairs Powers hurt his ankle too but no one really cares! | ||
| GUMSHOE: | [interrupting] Whoa, there! Hey there! Slow down, pal! Why not let the Police handle it now? Later that day around noon The cast stopped to take a brief lunch break I hear that they even had The fabled juicy T-Bone steak! | ||
| MAYA: | [spoken] They had steak!? | ||
| GUMSHOE: | Yeah, I bet it was deli- I mean, this is serious business, pal! There’s lives at stake! …ah, not that kind of steak. [sung] Anyway, at 2:15 The wind blew with such wrath That it knocked Mr. Monkey’s Head into the path | ||
| MAYA: | [spoken] WHAT!? | ||
| PHOENIX: | A-a monkey!? | ||
| GUMSHOE: | [sung] The studio’s—oof! | ||
| OLDBAG: | [shoving GUMSHOE aside] Mascot! It was just a statue, dears! You kids today need to learn How to communicate with your peers I’m telling you, back in my day Everyone knew what you were trying to say We never argued, always concurred Yes, that was the way things were And the way things were yesterday That Monkey wasn’t cleared until four I’m telling you, these kids today Lazier than ever before! | ||
| MAYA: | [spoken] Yeah, darn kids! | ||
| PHOENIX: | Maya, you're a kid. | ||
| OLDBAG: | [sung] Though the world keeps on changing Of this you can be sure: Kids used to be raised better And better is the way things were! | ||
| PHOENIX: | [spoken] So... why is the decapitated monkey important? | ||
| GUMSHOE: | Because, pal, no one could get to Studio 2 until his huge head was cleared out of the way, see? | ||
| PHOENIX: | But the crime scene was Studio 1, right? So what happened there? | ||
| OLDBAG: | [sung] Meanwhile, dear ol’ Hammer Over in Studio 1 Was caught up in a desperate battle Against that Powers bum! Hear you this, you snotty fans Of that WP, If I'd been there, that battle Would have turned out differently! | ||
| GUMSHOE: | [interrupting] Whoa, there! Hey there! Hold on a sec! It used to be Civilians had some respect! The body in Studio 1 Wasn’t found until 5, ya see Though our forensics team estimates The time of death to be about 2:30 The murder weapon, why no other Than the Samurai spear And considering the evidence The guilty one is clear | ||
| PHOENIX: | [spoken] How so? | ||
| GUMSHOE: | [sung] To get into the studio You must pass by this station And at that time only one guy Crossed by this location And we happen to know who it was—oof! | ||
| OLDBAG: | [Shoving GUMSHOE aside] Hey, what do you mean “we”? I was the guard that was on duty! I— | ||
| MAYA: | [spoken] You saw the real murderer? | ||
| OLDBAG: | [sung] Don’t kids today have any manners!? Interrupting during my line! I only said I was on duty Not that I stood here the whole time It was only on film that he was caught The one who did in Hammer You know, we were once a pair of love-crossed stars | ||
| GUMSHOE: | The key word there is "were" | ||
| OLDBAG: | [spoken] RAAAAAAAAARG! | ||
| GUMSHOE: | ...Oops. | ||
[simultaneous] | |||
| OLDBAG: | What would you know | GUMSHOE: | Whoa, there! Hey there! Sorry, ma’am I didn’t mean to Make you so very mad! Whoa, there! Hey there! I’d prefer If you’d calm down Can't witnesses be... The way they were! |
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